Choices

All of us has decisions to make everyday. Part of those decisions are choices given to us which depends on the situation. Those choices can lead you to good things or worst things.

Loving someone is also a decision you make everyday. Because today is different from yesterday. The only constant thing is change. Everything changes everyday.

I can still remember the kilig when he first hold my hands. The first "I love you". Even the kilig when I stare at him and I saw him staring at me also. The first hug and even the first kiss which I think I was the  one who make the first move. Hahaha.. But part of being in a relationship are also challenges. I remembered I got jealous and I can't tell him but to my friends only. When I cried and he just hug me. ( oh i miss it when he make the move just to hug me). I felt secured and how I wish the time stops. I still read the letters he gave to me and I still feel the joy it brings to my heart just like the first time I read it.

I missed it when he makes me feel special. Simple things that means a lot to me. As much as possible I just want to understand that he also have his own priorities. As much as possible when I felt unloved, I just reminisce the happy memories we had. I tried not to be demanding because that's me. I really dont demand from people. I dont know what's going on his mind. And that's out of my control.  But as they say,  focus on the things you can control. And that is my emotion or feelings. I tried to tell him how I feel but I felt he thinks I'm over reacting. I felt that he doesn't want to talk about it.  Maybe part of me just want to have his attention. But since I am talking about choices. I can choose to give up but my heart and I always choose to love him more everyday. It brings more happiness to me. I dont want to focus on the negativity and what he cannot give. Does it sounds crazy? I guess not because true love is loving someone without expecting in return. But sometimes I can't help myself to expect and it hurts sometimes. When I felt I was lacking patience and I was in pain, I just pray and thank God because he sustain me more of his love and patience. I just think how God forgives and love us again inspite of the things we've done wrong. And who am I not to forgive. If I was forgiven, then I'll forgive. It doesnt matter who loves more, but what matter is how we can love more and see the goodness in every people.

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